even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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