too bad you live with your parents still
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
