He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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