Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
