my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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