I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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