My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
