addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
