Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's blow job season.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
