My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
