Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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