You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
