this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
