I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
