my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
