You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
