i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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