You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
