Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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