no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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