Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
