my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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