SEEEEXXX PLEASE
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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