If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
