My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
