Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
