i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
