my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
