Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
