I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
