You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
