ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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