dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
