Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's blow job season.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
