hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
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I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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