everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
