matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
