That's when you crack a 10am beer
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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