never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
