your parents love me but you hate me
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
