I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize