That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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