My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
