matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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