Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
