Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
