You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
