I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
