oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am midnight drunk by noon
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
