just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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