Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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