Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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