Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
