I accidentally had phone sex last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
