Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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