It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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