i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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