New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my being single is dangerous.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
