Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
