airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
