Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
