I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize