They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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