I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
