Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
