Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
do herpes really smell.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
