margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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