Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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