WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
