He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
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I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize