come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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