Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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