I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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