I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
