did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
