Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
