I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
